I wanted to wish whomever would read my car a good day. Good-day, mate. The interesting thing about the time period in which this was on my car, was that it was one of the most mentally & emotionally challenging weeks I've had in a long time. Several losses occurred, leaving room for the new. Sometimes I wonder if “losing” something is really a loss since whatever we “lose” leaves open space for something new to come in. Losing a loved one in death leaves the opportunity for a new relationship with that person. Not being able to be around someone physically when you want to can be difficult to bare, longing for a hug or a smile. When my grandmother passed I was astonished to find that in her physical place, I now had a more spiritual and clair-audio relationship with her which I wouldn't have had she still been around physically.

I wise man once told me “Hearts are never broken, only expectations are.” That's right. My heart beats strong and every moment it's pulsing I am still alive. It's the mind that can get in the way so much. The heart does long and desire, however, it is our viewpoint that has us believing, wishing, hoping for some dream to come true. And sometimes when those special dreams come true, it is so surreal and beautiful we find ourselves asking “Is this really real?” “I must be dreaming.” And then we are left thinking “Why did it take me so long? I should have done this sooner.” “What was all the fuss about?” The Process. The Journey. That was the fuss. Some things are worth the effort...and when we work so hard and so hard for something to finally come true, it's amazing when it does and it can feel strange when it's actually happening. Usually that thing comes true when we stop trying so hard and just surrender. Just be. Recognize that things are the way they are. In my high school year book my senior quote was “Change is inevitable. Acceptance is the key.” Ha. Nowadays, I ought to listen to my younger self more often.

With my recent losses it was traumatic enough to my system that I lost about 8 pounds. Now that might not seem like much, but it's actually about 10% of my body weight given that I usually fluctuate between 97 and 102 pounds on any given day, and I lost it within a few days. I had trouble sleeping, eating, there was much time I spent knowing I shouldn't drive. I walked a lot, went to yoga, talked with good friends...it even hurt emotionally to try to distract myself with a movie. The first time I went to drive and listen to music my perception had changed so much it was a audio-hallucinogenic experience. I got in the car and didn't want any music. Knew it would be too much for me. Then I looked at the cd player and thought, “I'll trust. Whatever is in there is meant to be.” It's a 6 cd changer and I had no idea what I had left in it and what would be next. I turned it on to find it at the very beginning of a Fleetwood Mac cd I've known most of my life. It was so healing I could hardly stand it. I turned it up so loud...I was overwhelmed with how cosmically the lyrics were exactly what I needed to hear. That whole day turned into a day of healing through music.

A few days later I began to realize that the weight loss was symbollic in itself...that when I lost weight it was to rid myself of old energy, useless life patterns, and so on...and with that loss I now get to replace it with better things: good food, good energy, whatever I want. I also noticed my hair had begun to come down more--literally and figuratively. As I live a more relaxed life I tend not to pull my hair back so much and just let it loose. Another action that has been such a blessing at this time is no alarm clock. I am so fortunate to hold a job in which I make my own hours. I have been able to simply trust that my being will just wake me up when it needs to...even if I know I want to go to the 7 am yoga class the next morning, if I'm meant to go my body will wake me up. I have to truly trust myself.

So, what is a “good” day and what is a “bad” day? Who's to say something is good or bad: it's all relative. A child getting kidnapped may be a bad thing, yet when dad decides to create a show: America's Most Wanted, the kidnapping becomes good from what resulted from it. Though underneath “good” “bad” “right” and “wrong” I do believe there are essential, universal aspects.Truth, Justice...and that it may only be defined by me...you have yours, I have mine...however: What is the Truth that applies to All?

As part of my volunteer work with the Trauma Intervention Program of San Diego, we listened to a couple speak about their child who died of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome and the pain that occurred and how they then created a charity to raise money for special premature infant incubators. The group is called Isabella's Giraffe Club. (www.superkidslive.com) The couple said that their infant, Isabella, graced their lives with beauty, came with a purpose and left with a purpose. She was only a few months old and was here for exactly as long as she needed to be. That's what they said and sang about. The couple gave us all bookmarks after their presentation. They read:

     Lessons from Isabella

She taught us

to dedicate time

to what's important...

and we found the joy of serving

She taught us to slow down...

And we found peace

She taught us to surrender...

and we found the unexpected

surprises in letting go

She taught us to expose

our hearts...

and we found true love

Some people might allow the mind to bring them so far as to commit suicide when their child dies, some create from it. Growth or decay. Which one do I want? That depends on the subject. Sometimes something has to decay and die to morph and transmute into the next form. Energy. My soul leaves my body, where does it go? Does it have free will to choose? Could the soul choose though there is no more body and possibly mind? Some people believe so. Some people believe we choose our next life to incarnate into. They believe that I chose this life, this time period, this family. I have something to learn from these people, this situation, this Human Experiment.

I have found that every single human I come in contact with is my teacher (the same is true for the plants, animals, the sky, the Earth). Each one is a mirror of me. If I see something I don't like, it is something to look at and consider. I don't believe this is “self-centered” in a “bad” way if I am using it in order to be self-aware and serve human/naturekind. Someone once said to me that the news or newspaper is the prayer list for the day. Amen. Rather than moping about how horrible the world is today I prefer to feel the anger or sadness and turn it into compassion for those who have gone astray. Sometimes they've gone astray to some really far places. Where were they? What happened to their conscience? What took over when they were performing their horrible deed? Or rather, the better question would be: How did they come to that place/space in their life? I don't think we are born with guns in our hands, yet we must be held responsible if we choose to use one.

Would writing “Good day” on my car spark anyone to smile or think about their day? Maybe it would just piss them off because they're already having a horrible day. As part of my volunteer work this weekend I drove to the hospital and helped a man cope through a trauma. I realized walking back to my car how most of the people walking around in that parking probably weren't seeing it as a “good day,” being that they were at the hospital for some reason. Or, then again maybe they were. Maybe the doctors just saved their mom's life. Do my messages really even have a positive affect if it's all about perception anyway? I received a pretty good reaction from the message “Have you smiled at a stranger today?” yet even that could spark someone to laugh and say“How stupid, who cares?”

I heard a story on NPR today about a bank owner in New Orleans who let people take a max of $500 out a day and still kept his ATM's open after the flooding. He gave out loans to people who had no proof of anything, no peperwork to speak of. After all was said and done he ended up over a million dollars in the hole. Not bad considering how much more dishonest people could have been. He didn't mind about the debt he allowed people to create for him. This man is in his early 60's and he said that his mentor once said to him—97% of people are honest, so might as well run your business and life that way. Wow. That's trust. I hope that bank owner has a lot of good days.